Expat life with ADHD kids: How to stop fixing and start connecting

It’s 8.03am and your house is already buzzing with tension. One child is sobbing over their cereal because the spoon “feels wrong”. The other is spinning in circles in the hallway with no socks on, while your voice grows sharper with each “We’re going to be late!” Your ADHD brain is already on overload...and you haven’t even had your coffee yet.

Now add this:

You’re parenting in a second language, you’re navigating an unfamiliar school system, and you’re far from family, trying to make it all work without much support. You wonder, “Is this just life now?”

You’re not alone. And there’s a better way forward.

The double load of ADHD and expat life

Parenting is hard. Parenting a child with ADHD is harder. But parenting with ADHD while raising an ADHD child and doing it abroad? That’s a level of stress and self-doubt few people talk about.

In my own experience as a Greek expat in the Netherlands raising an ADHD child, and through my work coaching parents across Europe, I’ve seen how this unique intersection brings:

• Emotional overload from parenting and sensory challenges
• Language and cultural barriers that complicate diagnosis or support
• Guilt from not being the “calm, consistent” parent we’re told we should be
• The deep exhaustion of carrying it all, mostly alone 

Many ADHD parents feel like they’re constantly failing: at parenting, at routines, at holding everything together. And the louder their inner critic becomes, the more they try to fix everything. 

Why fixing doesn’t work 

ADHD brains, both children’s and adults’, don’t respond well to shame, pressure, or over-correction. Yet most parents are trying to fix meltdowns, lateness, or emotional outbursts by searching for the next perfect strategy.

Here’s the truth: most ADHD families don’t need more fixing, they need more connection. Fixing comes from a place of fear. But connection builds trust, which leads to calm, and that calm unlocks resilience, regulation, and confidence.

Book a free discovery session with Vanessa now!

From chaos to confidence: A new path

This framework is simple but powerful:

Calm

This isn’t about silence or a spotless routine, it’s about nervous system safety. It means recognising when you or your child is triggered and creating tiny pauses to come back to centre, such as taking a breath or a sip of water or turning off the lights for a moment - these are small resets with a big impact.

Connection

Many parents try to address behaviours before reconnecting emotionally. But kids with ADHD thrive on feeling seen and understood. Real connection doesn’t require hours of bonding time; it’s found in micro-moments: eye contact, validation, silly jokes, a bedtime story without rushing.

Confidence

Confidence isn’t control. It’s the ability to show up with clarity and compassion, even when things are messy. It’s building systems that support your unique rhythm, not copying what works for “neurotypical” families. And it’s trusting that you are the right parent for your child.

One expat mom I worked with put it perfectly: “Before, mornings felt like a war zone. I yelled, I panicked, then I cried. Now, we still have tough moments, but I pause first. I connect. And sometimes… we even laugh.”

That’s the shift. 

Tools that actually help ADHD families abroad

When your brain is in survival mode, complex plans and long routines fall apart. Instead, ADHD families need tools that are visual, flexible and emotionally aware.

Here are a few strategies I share with the parents I coach:

• Bilingual visual checklists (e.g. English/Dutch) for daily tasks
• Micro-breaks for overstimulated parents and kids (2-minute reset routines)
• Sticky note reminders for connection cues like “Say one kind thing” or “Offer a hug instead of a fix”
• Transition strategies like playlists or countdown timers that reduce chaos without raising voices 

These aren’t quick fixes; they’re bridges to safety, consistency, and mutual respect.

You’re not broken. You’re brilliant.

If you’ve been telling yourself: “I just need to try harder… I should be more organised… other parents seem to manage,” pause. You are not broken. Your brain just works differently. And so does your child’s. The goal isn’t to become the perfect parent. It’s to become the parent your child can trust, even when things get messy. That starts with how you show up for yourself.